Everybody knows about GMail, google's ultimate email service. Well I say fuck it. Maybe I just want to feel like I'm too god for something everyone wants. Or maybe I'm already satisfied with my Yahoo! Email account, and the top-notch spam filters they use. Compared to the massive amounts of spam I get everyday, few ever make it to the inbox, and few legit emails are ever mistakenly flagged as spam. But, seriously, a gig? Big deal? I think not.

If you think a gig is huge, check this out. And while you're at it, grab a free 10gb email account from Hellacious Riders. Impress your internet sluts by seeming like a bad-ass biker.

Don't worry, there will be more gmail slams to come in the future. Google rocks, sure, but I hate GMail.

I just started working for huhcorp. This is exactly the kind of company I want to run some day, and I'm hoping to learn to understand all of their techniques. The end goal is to start my own company and put them out of business. But, shhh!

If you don't get it. You're dumb.

I was reading the Sunday funny pages and found a bunch of neat comics this week (which is rare) but I figured I'd share this one with you, as I'm sure if you're coming here, you use a computer often. In my particular case, using my computer means you are picking up germs from any or all of the following things/ctivities

• Me jerking off.
• Me scatching my balls.
• Me cleaning my ears/nose with my finger.
• Me cleaning the cats litter box.
• Me taking a shit.
• Me pissing.
• Me eating.
• My cat walking in her litter box (then on the keyboard/mouse/desk).
• My splooge*.

So, just think about it before you sit your ass in my (or anyone elses) computer chair and start fingering up my stuff.

*I couldn't find my splooge once after an intense orgasm. Who knows where it landed?

If you're on the internet and you've ever sent a single email, you probably get tons of spam. If you're lucky, most of it gets filtered to your junkmail folder (or something similar) and you never even see it. But seriously, there are some real gems that get passed around. I used to have the idea of archiving my favorite received spams, but someone beat me to it. They even made a streaming radio station of it.

Spamradio is the place to be if you want to hear Stephen Hawking soliciting porn, get money quick schemes, cheap prescription drug plans and male enhancement packages. I'd check out their top ten spams because the stream can be kind of goofy and just read random characters over and over again (but such is the case when a macros program meets modern spamfilter avoision techniques (simpson reference :-O )). All in all an enjoyable visit.

Ten points for anyone who knows the difference between "stumbling" and "surfing".

It seems a member of a focus group for an unmentionable advertising company has leaked out concept sketches for new products being released by several seemingly unrelated corporations. It seems as though they've finally caved and stopped trying to trick us into believing that their brand identities have absolutely nothing to do with subliminal sexual messages. Instead, it seems they are embracing this commonly accepted (although often subconsciously so) knowledge and using it to their benefit.

The new products seem to me as though they'll be a hit. It turns out honesty really IS the best policy.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Well, maybe if I was paid. Or if I cared enough to say it. So I guess we'll just stick to my original statement.

OS Girls. I couldn't have said it better myself.

My first double-whammy since the redesign, but I stumbled across a website I just had to share (as if anyone even checks my blog). The sites message is one I can agree with, and it has such a well-thought, pleasant, minimalistic design to it. I had to share it before I forgot about it. Copied and pasted from their site, with their links intact:

Internet Explorer can make your computer unsafe. Why not switch to a browser that's more secure? Many already have. Read their stories, and choose a browser that's right for you.

This is more about making the internet a better place than it is about microsoft bashing. Which reminds me of a joke.

What do you call 1000 nerds playing monopoly?

If you don't know the answer, you so dumb ^_^

Here's an interesting article I came across while surfing the web. It involves a repeal on a law blocking kiddy porn.

The primary reason for repealing the law (assuming the judge isn't just a pervert of the worst kind) is because the method required to block the kiddy porn involves ISPs blocking entire servers known to host kiddy porn. This, in turn, leads to a blocking of free speech. On the one hand, it's a good call. On the other, what the fuck are they thinking?

Supporters of the law call to attention that it is not a requirement of the ISPs to block entire servers, rather they could block individual websites. The judge, however, pointed out the fact that doing such would incur expenses beyond that of what most ISPs could provide, essentially putting them out of business. The costs passed on to the larger, corporate ISPs, then, would soar into the tens of millions of dollars. Neither solution is too feasable, and I'm glad to see the judge is supporting the small businesses in favor of the corporations. It would have been easy for him to say, "Fuck the small companies. This is good for the corporations. Hey, corporations, pay me some cash and I'll change the law to be in your favor." Instead, he took the nobler of two routes (again, unless he's a pervert and just wants to be able to access kiddy porn).

I have to say, the article points to the method of dealing with kiddy porn in other states, and in my opinion it makes the most sense; it helps to prosecute those who partake in kiddy porn production and viewing while maintaining the freedom of speech.

Directly from the article: A few states - Arkansas, South Dakota and South Carolina - address child pornography by requiring ISPs or computer technicians to report any illegal material they discover, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

I know this blog post was poorly written. I know I said kiddy porn about 17 times. I just didn't feel like taking the time to write a blog post explaining something you should be able to infer from reading the article yourself.

College: the longest line for the most expensive ticket into the worst theme park you'll ever visit.

I found this through slashdot and it has saddened me.

The problems with this floppy-disk-zeitgeist is of little to no concern for the regular user, but boy is this going to turn out to be a pain in the ass for people who want to fix your computer after you broke it. Rest assured, we won't let it die.

All I have to say is, click this shit.

I got to thinking about how you have to register as either Republican or Democrat if you want to vote in their respected primaries. Some people have suggested it's worthwhile to register as the party you don't support so you can vote against their best candidates, weakening their chances of winning the election. A friend said, "That doesn't work, or more people would do it. Maybe he's right.

But maybe more people do that than you can imagine, and that's why we always have such shitty, shitty politicians.

So I was talking to this guy the other day, he's been seeing this girl for a while, but he's never really said much about her. He started telling me all about the relationship, and with his permission I decided I was going to retell some of the key points of his experience.

On their first date, they went out to a sushi bar and then a movie. He got sick after eating the sushi and threw up at the movie. When she hinted at having him come into her apartment to go down on her at the end of their date, all he could think about was how he got sick at the sushi bar earlier. He told her, "How about we just 68 and I'll owe you one?" He didn't tell me what happened after that.

After a while she started begging him to fuck her in the ass, constantly. He refused, he liked her too much and didn't really dig anal. A few months into the relationship he caught her cheating on him. When he asked her why, she explained to him that she was always asking for anal, and that he was the only one she ever asked. He told me that he told her, "At the expense of making someone feel worthless and used for a long time, you'll fuck someone you have no feelings for, so that you'll feel good for a moment." Again, she cited the anal sex, claiming that she wanted him to do it because she loved him.

He told me, "The relationship could never work. She saved anal sex for the select few she had ever really cared about in her life; I saved it for the countless dozens I could only offer disrespect." He told her he'd do it. That night, he donkey punched her and refuses to return her calls.

I say to my friend, and all other geeks lucky enough to have sex with women (and unlucky enough to have the troubles that accompany said 'sex') "More computers. Less girls."

If you don't know who Cthulhu is, click that link and find out. Then think about a few things and realize he is here. Just in disguise. Let's analyze the two options we have, then. Shall we?

First is our president. He's such a moron when it comes to world affairs that one mustn't try too hard to visualize him asleep, at the bottom of an ocean in a place of "non-Euclidean madness." I'm never so sure what to think of him and what he's doing. Although I hear his small business tax cuts. But then again that may be a part of the plan, since Republican-conservative's have most of the money anyway, and would be the most likely to run a small business. Could you honestly argue with me that he is causing world-wide insanity and mindless violence? (We can only consider G.W.B. to be Cthulhu if we assume he is intelligent enough to be behind all of this scheming, and not a puppet.)

The second option, though, relates to the world in an entirely different sense. The administrator of Armhead.org (better than armhead.com (trust me, I checked)) sent me link to Cthuugle.com today. Appearing almost out of nowhere (perhaps a place of non-Euclidean madness!?!?) and devouring the entire internet overnight, one could argue that google does indeed bring you madness and mindless violence. But in order for this hypothesis to be correct, we'll have to assume the whole world has internet access.

Now that I think about it, no, I don't think Cthulhu is here. But when he does arrive, you can rest assured I'm going to serve my alien master.

The guys over at Bad Gas have started a new web trend that actually extends into real life. It's called "Doing a Lynndie," and refers to Lynndie England, the woman made famous by her disgusting display of disinterest for the treatment of Iraqi prisoner's-of-war. If you don't know what I'm talking about, do a google image search (use my search bar up there!) and then you'll see, and recall.

Anyway, you can use this trend as a statement about the sordid humor. If you haven't already read the link to Bad Gas lemme explain it briefly. You "Lynndie" an unsuspecting victim, with complete lack of concern for whether or not they consent, care, get angry or sad, or suffer self-esteem issues (in the case of fat, ugly, homeless or many other disgusting people).

Well I Lynndied a friend of mine, who got his ultimate revenge. But then, the prize of the evenings Lynndie fest was this panty shopping girl who had absolutely no idea we even took the picture. Wal-mart's lights were bright enough for us to take the picture without the flash.

I like the way he's pointing right at her ass.

Being the foul mouthed, porn loving liberal I tend to be, censorship is not something I generally like. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need to be able to determine what your children get exposed to because I wouldn't want any five year old I'm responsible for seeing an asshole you could drop a golf ball into. But do we really have the right to try and censor them from reality? When you think about it, some types of censorship have nothing to do with protecting innocence and everything to do with fulfilling a fantasy of what reality is. Out of site, out of mind. Right?

I came across this list of the 100 most frequently challenged books. I haven't read them all, but I've read a good deal of them and I can not understand why some of them would be challenged. The list includes I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, The Giver, The Catcher in the Rye, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Brave New World, and a lot of other books that just really have absolutely no business ever being censored. I've read all of those books, and although I didn't enjoy every one of them, I did realize how excellently crafted they were. Literature is art, and art is something that should never be censored.

But it doesn't stop there. The list also censors books on homosexuality, religious views, and it would appear even on vegetarianism. My sincerest apologies if I'm wrong, but using censorship as blinders for your children's view of reality is only going to do them more harm than good when they get out into the real world. If being thrust into the real world with the expectation of everyone thinking, believing and feeling the same things as you is beneficial to attaining adulthood and learning to be completely self-sufficient, then I wish my parents would have made me go to church and told me that whites are superior to all others. And yes, adulthood does have to be attained. It's not just given to you when you reach a magical age.

When I was a kid going through puberty (no, I didn't have this facial hair my entire life) I found a book in the library that was a big help. What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons. I'll admit, I only picked it up cause I was hoping there'd be detailed drawings of intercourse, but when I found none I ended up reading it anyway. It explained a lot about what was going on and pretty much cleared up most of the confusion other people tend to experience during puberty. The girl's version of this book is also on the list. So is Judy Blume's Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret. As children go through puberty, their thought processes and bodies change drastically. Is helping to ease the painful process of puberty wrong? Again, if it is, let me know.

But it gets worse. I personally dislike Harry Potter. But those books are on the list. I grew up reading Goosebumps books; on the list. There are some books on the list which I assume are only there because they may be frightening to some children. Most children enjoy being scared. Most children enjoy magic, because in their minds, that's what the world is still made up of. If your kid has problems with understanding the difference between reality and fantasy, that's something you need to be aware of, and you need to keep the books out of your child's hands yourself. Stop being lazy and expecting other people to raise your children for you.

Christ, even Where's Waldo is on that list. I can only hope this is all just a big joke.

So where did I leave off? Oh, yeah, with a new project that I'd never complete. But that's cool, you know. It's not like I've got any sort of sense of the words commitment or dedication.

New layout is almost done, just gotta finish setting up a few colors and margins in the css and I'll be done. The old shit's gonna be gone soon, and the new shit will be here. I may just decide to code some php and use a database for the blog, but then again that would require commitment and dedication. There goes those words again. Fuck them

Also, I want to thank my friend Raymond Reyes for the sick artwork of me, over there. This guy is the best fucking arist I've ever met and he needs to be working on comic books or human canvas or something. Ray, I'm going to set something up for you when I get the chance. We'll get the money for you to get that tattoo apprenticeship, yet.